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...But your life? Your life is entirely your own making.
Your joy is your karma.
Your sorrow is your karma.
And that, strangely, is the deepest compassion of all...
that God gives you the absolute freedom to do and be whatever the hell you want.
And then — poof.
It's gone.
See it as cruelty.
See it as a cosmic joke.
Or see it as the greatest gift ever given.
But live the life you actually want to live.
Woke up. Grabbed my phone => 08:08.
The next morning, I meditated, opened my eyes => 08:08.
Then I dreamt. And there it was again => 08:08.
I don't know if it's the power of my own mind.
or the universe winking at me.
Maybe both. Maybe there's no difference.
These days I carry a tremendous amount of pain.
Tremendous amount of gratefulness.
Tremendous amount of fear.
Tremendous amount of hope.
Just yesterday, I was so overwhelmed by the intensity of it all that I had to lie down on the floor and cry. And then laugh... And then cry some more...
And somewhere beneath all of that. Calmness.
Peace.
How lucky I am to feel all of it. The full spectrum.
And love. So much love. All the shades of her.
The tenderness. The peacefulness. The pure, beautiful brutality of it.
That got me thinking...
In a world obsessed with duality.
I keep coming back to a belief that everything, at its core, is non-dual.
Yin and Yang as the polar monism.
The Tao as the unifying ground beneath it all.
Not two forces at war.
One reality, breathing through contrast.
Paradoxical? Yes.
And that's exactly the point.
A loop. An infinity. No beginning, no end.
I believe that's God.
In self-realisation practice, we are taught:
that which knows change - is itself unchanging.
Whatever changes is not you.
You are the unchanging.
When you become truly present,
it is the unchanging that shows up.
And that is simply: "I am". The God-energy.
Quietly here all along.
There comes a realisation...
If you have ever made love to someone,
through every layer of what that truly means...
Like your souls come home
to a place they've never been.
The tenderness and the wildness.
The softness and the raw, unfiltered depth.
The bliss and the devastation.
The ecstasy and the agony.
The surrender and the control.
The respect and the degradation.
The intimacy and the distance.
The connection and the aloneness.
The nasty sex, the tender sex, the loving sex, the sexy sex.
The pure-filthy divine.
Then you have already met God.
In your own temple.
On your knees,
in the sweat and the tears,
in the moans and the silence.
Skin to skin.
Completely undone.
Then... You are one of the rare ones.
No longer haunted by shame.
Zero-fucks-given for what "taboo" means.
So free, together, you don't even know it.
Unchained from the small, frightened cages
of religion, common sense and social morality.
You went somewhere
most people spend their entire lives
building walls to avoid.
Too afraid to go.
But you went.
You swallowed the fear.
The shame. The vulnerability.
The rawness. The intensity.
You swallowed God.
And in doing so, you swallowed the universe.
The whole beauty of it.
The whole brutality of it.
And how lucky you are, to have met your equal.
In a world where most people wander their whole lives
just hoping to taste the faintest trace of what you had.
Not just the body. The soul underneath it.
---I am.